It is 3:30 am and I am wide awake. I want to be asleep but sleep is as elusive as a shadow. What’s keeping me awake?
Wide Awake
I’ve been awake since 2:25 am. Snap, crackle and pop should be reserved for Rice Krispies and things that go bump-thump in the night should go away. The crazy freeze-thaw-freeze winter weather we’ve been having seems to be causing ice on our roof to expand and contact. The endless cacophony scares me. Now the adrenaline is running.
I like it quiet at night and dark. There are no electronic devices in the bedroom with screens going on and off or notifications pinging.
I tried counting sheep. I’ve prayed for family, friends, and even people I don’t like. I’ve gone around the world with my prayers, but I am still awake. I tried quoting memorized scripture but somehow, I am not remembering correctly so I’ll have to look it up in the morning. I’m even more awake now because I am annoyed that I cannot remember what I have committed to memory.
Beside Me
Bob is awake because I woke him up with, “Did you hear that?”
I told myself, “be anxious for nothing; cast all your care on Him.” That approach failed. It is now 5:30 am.
In my mind I see God beside me. With everything going on in the world He is not preoccupied somewhere else. Not in a different country, with a different person. But here with me. Hovering over me; there is comfort in that.
So much of this is an imagined threat. I remind myself that 80% of all the things we worry about never come to pass. I stop thinking, “Don’t worry” and start with “Trust. You’re going to be OK.”
Still not asleep and now it is time to get up.
Its going to be a 3- coffee day!
Does your house make popping noises when there are radical temperature changes? Do you imagine the worst? Please leave a comment at the bottom of this post.
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Insomnia can be brutal.
Jocelyn, I have been going through the same thing, with all the weird sounds that come with the weather changes. I sing old hymns and songs in my head, to add to the list you already mentioned. Misery must like company, because it helps to know others are experiencing what I am!
Thanks for sharing this Jocelyn. It does help to know you are not alone. I do not need strange noises to keep me awake though. Sometimes my mind won’t shut off or I am just too restless. I have run through your list as well.
I remember those “noises” in extremely cold weather for the 38 years we lived in Alberta. Now that we live back in Nova Scotia we have other weather related noises that keep us awake at night, mainly wind! We get lots of it! We also have had many nights of pounding rain. Fortunately we are now retired and get to nap when necessary!
I too experience nervous feelings when I hear unexpected noises from the house or outside near us so I empathize with you. Those sleepless nights are the most difficult to understand when rest is so important for our health – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. My heart lept at the many ways you tried to calm yourself and leaned on the Lord when sleep was elusive. I wish I had the spiritual maturity to think of that on my sleepless nights – now I will make it a point to adopt that behaviour! Thank you for sharing your worries and your methods to manage them with us. On a high note, you prayed for so many people that, perhaps the benefit outweighed your personal discomfort?!? I know you care so much for the people God puts in your path so I choose to believe that many needed the prayers you so kindly offered during a sleepless night. That’s one of the reasons I admire you so greatly!
I’m awake too !!! It’s so annoying . All I want is to be asleep. But my body is now rigid and my mind alert to every noise .
Be still ans know that I am God . This verse runs into my head and then flees. But before long I’m praying and asleep again . God is always the God of peace . Not of the chaos running through my mind .
Interesting read since I just saw my husband off to work. He had the same kind of night as you described, his mind just won’t shut off. Praying you can get a better night’s sleep tonight.