My therapist said I have acute personality disorder. I was like, “I know, right?” If you’ve met Joanne Goodwin you can hear her unforgettable voice in your head.
It only takes once and she’s got you for life.
Joanne dispenses medicine for your soul. She’s got a double PhD in joy and humor. Women across North America attribute their sanity to Joanne.
Her prescriptions have no side effects other than a sore gut from laughing.
She learned their secret the hard way.
Hear Joanne at LIFE CHURCH on April 10th. Plan to bring a friend with you.
Faith and Humor
After a lifelong battle with mood disorders, depression, and family crises, cancer became Joanne’s most recent opponent. In August 2016, she was diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer. She endured long weeks of radiation, surgery and chemo.
You guessed correctly if you imagined that she’s handling all of this with faith in God. And a giant dose of humor.
Joanne is a wife, mom, gramma, recording artist, author, pastor, communicator and friend. She’s proof that a cheerful heart is good medicine.
27 Of Joanne’s Finest
1. I’m doing ‘Angry Yoga’ tonight. It’s just lying on a mat and eating chocolate as I shout at my thighs.
2. I pointed to two old ladies sitting across the restaurant from us and told my friend “That’s us in 15 years”. She said, “That’s a mirror.”
3. Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad to be alive? I just did and I won’t be allowed on this airline again.
4. Just tried a kids meal at McDonalds. Unfortunately, her dad chased me away before I got any of her fries.
5. After the hospital chemo, I get “chemo take out” for 3 days. They didn’t even ask if I wanted fries with it! Lousy take out place!
6. Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders. How I learned this rule is not important.
7. I was sobbing and cried, “I can’t see you again. I won’t let you hurt me like this again!” My personal trainer sighed. “It was a sit-up. You did one sit up!”
8. Just once I’d like someone to call me “ma’am” without having to add “you need to calm down or we’re going to have to ask you to leave.”
9. I know you’re not supposed to hug the lady giving out samples at Costco, but the sausage she gave me had cheese inside. Cheese. In. Side. Yes.
10. If a woman asks you if she looks fat, it is not okay to just say “no.” You must also act completely surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary.
11. I shout “PIZZA’S HERE” so the delivery guy doesn’t think I’m eating two pizzas by myself.
12. A cop just pulled me over and asked “do you know why I stopped you?” I said “because my FB statuses are so funny?” And then we laughed and laughed and high-fived and I’m in jail.
13. It’s fine to eat a “test” grape in the produce section but you take one bite of a rotisserie chicken and it’s all, “ma’am, you need to leave.”
14. I went outside without makeup on. A child cried and I think a bird flew into a window on purpose.
15. If you can’t think of a word say “I forget the English word for it”. That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.
16. Joe doesn’t know this, but for the first 3 years of our marriage I thought we were supposed to share a toothbrush.
17. I run from my car all the way to the front door of McDonald’s because fitness is a lifestyle.
18. I love Chinese food as much as the next guy, but you’ll never convince me a chicken fried this rice.
19. Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. I know that now.
20. Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 7.
21. Sometimes I pretend I’m picking up lunch for the whole family, even tho the KFC workers can clearly see me eating that bucket in their parking lot.
22. Current fitness level: my arm gave out while blow drying my hair.
23. We’ve all got that one family member who’s an embarrassment. This restraining order suggests my family’s settled on me.
24. I’ve always hated math because, in my head, all the word problems sounded like this: The spaghetti envelopes are triangular. Find X.
25. I just saw Joe get hit by a snow plow but in all fairness I have never driven one of these before.
26. I just finished a 5k. It took me 4 days and was filled with snacks and naps but at least I finished.
27. Yelling at me for warming the towels in the oven is NOT going to get the fire department here any faster!
APPLICATION: Got a favorite quote or three? Please leave a comment below and share them around. Follow Joanne on her Facebook page.
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