Thank you Alisha Jans-Lemoine for this guest post. Your vulnerability and candor are courageous.
The count down has started.
It actually started 360 days ago, give or take a couple hours.
Like the countdown on New Years Eve, there’s nothing to stop it. At midnight the ball drops, everyone sings and we start a new year of hope, promises and resolutions. It starts whether or not we want it to. But we can prepare for it, make plans and be more or less ready for when it arrives.
My ball dropped almost 365 days ago with no countdown, no warning, no notice. I was unprepared in every sense of the word. I couldn’t prepare or sing or kiss. There were no goodbyes or farewells, the ball just dropped.
The last (almost) year has been a rollercoaster.
We’ve had good days and happy moments.
Moments of pride and moments of remembrance.
We’ve also had days that seemed like they wouldn’t end and days that were as dark as night.
The last (almost) year has also brought many firsts – birthdays and celebrations, hockey games, holidays, recitals and more.
The Last of the Firsts
This “first” marks the last of the “first’s”.
Maybe that’s why I have dug my heels in so hard the last few days hoping Friday won’t come. I first started missing you in terms of hours, then days, then weeks followed by months but I’m not ready to start missing you in terms of years.
When you left, I completely lost my sense of self, and I sure don’t have it all figured out yet. I’m still re-building…we all are.
I truly thought I would spend the rest of my life with you but it was you who spent the rest of yours with me.
I’m grateful for every moment our family had together and every memory we shared.
So as this week happens and goes by, I’m left still trying to piece back that broken ball that fell.
At least this time I have a warning, although it’s of no consequence.
George Lemoine passed away from a heart attack on September 18, 2014.
Grief is not something you “get over” – you get through it.
Grieving seems endless but it’s not eternal.
Hold onto hope.
Hope is not wishful thinking. Hope is a confident expectation of future good.
Hope doesn’t make grief hurt less.
Hope keeps you from being swallowed by despair.
“”I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die…Do you believe this?” (John 11:25, 26)
APPLICATION: Share Alisha’s story with people you know who have lost a loved one. Please leave a comment for Alisha below. Thank you. (Images and story shared with Alisha’s permission.)
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I am always amazed at the courage and strength of someone who can talk about their grief. Alisha you are one of those amazing people. You are so right about grief being like a rollercoaster. It’s a ride you don’t want to be on, but you are. May you have continued courage and strength to keep going as you have this first year. May you be comforted in knowing that you are not all alone. May you be blessed with moments and days of peace, hope and joy.
Thanks Patricia for being supportive and praying.
Thank you Alisha, for sharing your’s and your family’s heart breaking story. The photo of your happy, smiling family, sharing a memorable event together, tells us all that was shattered when the ball dropped. I can’t begin to imagine the depth and breadth if your’s and your children’s pain and grief, but your words reveal a loneliness and bewilderment that is only beginning to heal with the soothing balm of hope. It is interesting that you used the New Year Ball to capture your experience. Although the ball shattered it also alludes to a new beginning, one you didn’t chose or want, and a celebration of George’s life on earth and his new eternal life. Praise God for the strength and courage He gave you to ‘get through’ your first 365 days without George, put your thoughts and feelings about them into words, and and share them with us. God is Good. He will help you and your children rediscover who you are and rebuild your changed lives. Please post again in a year and let us know how it goes.