For many, isolation feels easier than connection.
Isolation
Social media makes it even simpler to isolate—we scroll, watch political rants, reinforce our own biases, and think, this is why I stay home. We retreat, not just physically, but emotionally, shutting down parts of our hearts even while surrounded by people at work, in classrooms, or in our own families.
This is the deeper form of isolation: not merely being alone but shutting out the possibility of real connection.
A guest post from Connie Jakab. She is a pastor, church planter, a culture creator, and author. She writes a blog where people lean in together to become fully brave selves in the area of connection, relationships, and what we dream of.
Years ago, she wrote a book called Bring Them Closer, which tackled the mental health crisis among children. The inspiration came from a conversation with a psychologist about how to respond when a child is raging. As a mother, her instinct was to send her child to his room.
The psychologist corrected me: “No. You never send the hurting away. You bring them closer.
Just Connect
We often encourage lonely or isolated people to “just connect.” But after long periods of isolation, people often lose the ability—or even the courage—to connect at all.
I experienced this tension firsthand in a simple, everyday moment. While in a McDonald’s drive-thru, I accidentally cut off another driver. He immediately honked, shouted insults, and called me names. I had a choice: isolate, throw up walls, maybe even throw up my middle finger. Or, I could connect.
I chose to buy his meal.
Not out of pettiness or superiority, but as an act of compassion. Because behind the angry driver in a big white truck was a person with a story I didn’t know. Maybe he was going through something painful. Maybe not. But I wanted to respond with connection instead of isolation.
This small act reminded me of the paradox we live in. On one hand, we all agree, “You never know what someone is going through.” On the other, in moments of conflict, our first instinct is to defend, isolate, and retaliate. Each interaction gives us an opportunity: to connect or to put up a wall. 
How Do You Do This?
- Recognize the Story Behind the Behaviour
Before reacting to frustration, anger, or withdrawal from others, pause and remember: everyone has a story.
- Ask yourself: What might this person be experiencing that I don’t know?
- Step Into Brave Belonging
Connection requires vulnerability, even when it feels risky.
- Practice small acts of courage: a kind word, a note of appreciation, or listening without trying to “fix” the person.
- Bring the Hurting Closer
Rather than pushing away those who trigger or frustrate you, intentionally engage in ways that are safe and supportive.
- Set healthy boundaries while remaining present.
Anchored Belonging
My identity doesn’t come from a group or from the approval of others. For me, it comes from something deeper—an anchor that is both within and beyond myself, rooted in a Creator who made me with purpose.
Read the full article on Connie’s Bravely Connected website and explore the resources that she offers.
What do you think? Please join the conversation and post a comment below.
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Thank you for posting this Bob. A few months ago I unintentionally offended a ladies group leader from a church we have some involvement with. I thought it was behind us, but recently discovered this is not the case at all.. A high wall has been built up affecting any church family relationship we once had.
The natural instinct to isolate, defend, or even retaliate all presents itself in these instances. We have tried the scriptural path found in places like Matthew 5 and 18 but has not been well received.
The words above are helpful. Everyone has a story and pausing to see the other person and not just my own internal reaction/response is an important step forward.
Resolution, if it comes at all, may well be outside any timeframe I imagine or pray for, but I certainly do need to watch over my own heart.
Real life means relationship, touching other lives at varying levels, and it’s in community or relationship that our own transformation is most tested.
Today is a new day, and His mercies are new every day. May my own heart today be more free than yesterday …
Glad it could be helpful. Teachable, humble people always win.