The Connection Paradox We Live In

For many, isolation feels easier than connection.

Isolation

Social media makes it even simpler to isolate—we scroll, watch political rants, reinforce our own biases, and think, this is why I stay home. We retreat, not just physically, but emotionally, shutting down parts of our hearts even while surrounded by people at work, in classrooms, or in our own families.

This is the deeper form of isolation: not merely being alone but shutting out the possibility of real connection.

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A guest post from Connie Jakab. She is a pastor, church planter, a culture creator, and author. She writes a blog where people lean in together to become fully brave selves in the area of connection, relationships, and what we dream of.

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Years ago, she wrote a book called Bring Them Closer, which tackled the mental health crisis among children. The inspiration came from a conversation with a psychologist about how to respond when a child is raging. As a mother, her instinct was to send her child to his room.

The psychologist corrected me: “No. You never send the hurting away. You bring them closer.

Just Connect

We often encourage lonely or isolated people to “just connect.” But after long periods of isolation, people often lose the ability—or even the courage—to connect at all.

I experienced this tension firsthand in a simple, everyday moment. While in a McDonald’s drive-thru, I accidentally cut off another driver. He immediately honked, shouted insults, and called me names. I had a choice: isolate, throw up walls, maybe even throw up my middle finger. Or, I could connect.

I chose to buy his meal.

Not out of pettiness or superiority, but as an act of compassion. Because behind the angry driver in a big white truck was a person with a story I didn’t know. Maybe he was going through something painful. Maybe not. But I wanted to respond with connection instead of isolation.

This small act reminded me of the paradox we live in. On one hand, we all agree, “You never know what someone is going through.” On the other, in moments of conflict, our first instinct is to defend, isolate, and retaliate. Each interaction gives us an opportunity: to connect or to put up a wall.

How Do You Do This?

1. Recognize the Story Behind the Behaviour

Before reacting to frustration, anger, or withdrawal from others, pause and remember: everyone has a story.

• Ask yourself: What might this person be experiencing that I don’t know?

2. Step Into Brave Belonging

Connection requires vulnerability, even when it feels risky.

• Practice small acts of courage: a kind word, a note of appreciation, or listening without trying to “fix” the person.

3. Bring the Hurting Closer

Rather than pushing away those who trigger or frustrate you, intentionally engage in ways that are safe and supportive.

• Set healthy boundaries while remaining present.

Anchored Belonging

My identity doesn’t come from a group or from the approval of others. For me, it comes from something deeper—an anchor that is both within and beyond myself, rooted in a Creator who made me with purpose.

Read the full article on Connie’s Bravely Connected website and explore the resources that she offers.

What do you think? Please join the conversation and post a comment below.

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